i need an iv and a liver transplant
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize