he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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