i think my tv is drunk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
