I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
