how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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