The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
