No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think a kid would responsible me up
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
