D3 body, D1 cock
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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