turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
