Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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