Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
