who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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