1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
