Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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