Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Still dying that you shit outside
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
