Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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