I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
