My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
