I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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