end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
