Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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