if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We have started to decorate penises.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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