speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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