my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
