I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize