God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
