I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
