I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
