Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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