So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
