yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
