Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
