well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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