You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
