She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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