She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
