i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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