did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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