We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
