i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
