There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
