$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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