I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
