how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Drunk is a universal language darling
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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