you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
