before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
