Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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