Did you just see the Batmobile???
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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