I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
