I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
