It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Less talking, more tequila
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
