just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
