I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
