She is in my trunk
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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