my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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