if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
