So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
