12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
