how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
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I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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