Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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