saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Soap is not a condiment
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
