i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Go christen that room with your naked body.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
