I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
