So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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