things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
