In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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