Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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