Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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