Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
