Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
