I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I won the penis lottery.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
