Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
