white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
