I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
