Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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