hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
