So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
