Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize