Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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