I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ugly people sure do ruin things
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
