hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
