I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize