You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
