Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize