So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
