too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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