Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
