Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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