Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
