sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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