What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
