what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
