At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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