He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
